When 'Yes' Was the Wrong Answer
The Cost of Ignoring Your 'No' When God Speaks
Maybe you know this feeling. Someone asks for help and, before you even finish praying about it, you hear yourself saying yes.
Not because God told you to. Not because it aligned with what He already placed on your heart. But because they needed it. Because you didn’t want to disappoint anyone. Because saying no felt selfish, even when your spirit was already whispering sit this one out.
Before you got here, you prayed about it and God said “no,’ not now.” And now here you are. Tired. Stretched. Watching the hours tick away from the very thing God asked you to steward. Wondering how serving ended up feeling like disobedience.
A Confession
I’m writing this fresh from earlier this week on a Monday that didn’t go the way I planned.
Our church was hosting a women’s event, and when I heard they needed volunteers, I did something I thought was generous: I gave up my seat so another woman who wanted to attend could go. That felt right. However, I did volunteer to be on the decorating team, to set the mood for the event. For context, our church is growing, which is wonderful and I had attended and volunteered for these events in the past. Most recently for our Christmas Tea. So for me, that felt like the kind of quiet sacrifice I could make with a clean conscience. Especially knowing there was a waitlist for this event.
But then came the ask: “There are still seats available and we’d love for you to attend the event. Also, do you mind helping with getting attendees signed in?” There were still seats available, due to inclement weather and last minute changes for those women who were no longer able to attend. Also, a few volunteers were not able to keep their commitment, so now they were shorthanded on volunteers.
And before I knew it, I had committed to six hours of physical labor: setting up tables, setting and then restacking chairs (after the event), preparing the space, signing guests in and assisting with other responsibilities as needed.
Here’s the thing: I had already prayed about this. The answer was clear. Sit this one out. I had two coaching meetings cancelled because of the winter storm. My schedule had unexpectedly opened up, not for more tasks, but for Bible study.. For writing. For the ministry God has asked me to build.
But I said yes anyway.
And now my body is tired. All I could think about was the next day's furniture donation pickup, and my muscles were already protesting. The writing I planned? Pushed to the margins. The preparation I needed? Postponed.”
This is the cost of ignoring the answer I already had.
What God Says About Our Yes
Here’s what I’m sitting with today. In Matthew 5:37, Jesus says something that cuts right to the heart of my people-pleasing:
“All you need to say is simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”
For years, I read that verse as being about honesty, about not making elaborate promises. But lately I’m seeing it differently. What if it’s also about the purity of our yes? What if God is asking us to let our yes be a yes to Him, not just a yes to whoever asks first or loudest?
My decision and experience was just one of many. What happens when it’s something that has more weight on it? Like a job opportunity? Being asked to get married? Going along with friends who are not good at making ‘good and moral’ decisions? Buying a home or relocating geographically? And the list goes on with all types of decisions that we make on our own…But God!
And then there’s Proverbs 3:5-6:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
I had submitted this decision to Him. He gave me an answer. And then I leaned on my own understanding anyway, convincing myself that helping was the “right” thing to do.
But Here’s the Grace
I could end this post in guilt and self-reproach. I could beat myself up for not being more obedient, more disciplined, more boundaried.
But God doesn’t look at me that way, and I don’t believe He looks at you that way either.
First Samuel 16:7 reminds us: “The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
God knows my heart. He knows I wanted to help. He knows the old patterns of being needed, of proving my worth through service, of fearing that “no” makes me selfish. He sees all of it, and He is patient with my learning.
And here’s the beautiful thing: even in my disobedience, He met me there.
While setting up those 24 tables, something unexpected happened. Two other volunteers and I fell into conversation, and before long, we weren’t just working, we were worshiping. We talked about God’s faithfulness. We shared testimonies. We spoke truth over each other’s lives. When it was time to leave, two of us kept the conversation going into the parking lot because neither of us wanted it to end.
I told her that glorifying God in the midst of my own retirement from over-volunteering had given me a second wind. And it had. It was a beautiful way to leave part one of my responsibility behind.
This won’t break me. God’s grace is bigger than my missteps. But it can still be what it is: a lesson in listening better next time.
The Truth I’m Carrying Forward
Sometimes obedience looks like saying no to a good thing so you can say yes to a God thing.
Your ministry matters. The thing God has placed in your hands, whether it’s writing, teaching, raising children, caring for aging parents, or simply being present in the ways He’s asked, that matters. And protecting the time and energy for it isn’t selfish. It’s stewardship.
If you prayed about something and got an answer, you’re allowed to trust it. Even when the need in front of you feels urgent. Even when saying no feels uncomfortable. Even when you’re afraid of what people will think.
Your ‘no’ belongs to God first.
A Tiny Step for This Week
This week, before you say yes to anything new, pause. Ask yourself: Did I pray about this? And if I did, what was the answer?
If you already have your answer, honor it. Even if it’s hard. Even if it disappoints someone. Your obedience to God is more important than your obligation to others’ expectations.
And if you’ve already said yes to something you shouldn’t have? Give yourself grace. God isn’t keeping score of your missteps. He’s walking with you through them.
A Prayer for You
Lord, You see my sister right now. You know the weight of all the asks pulling at her, the guilt she feels when she says no, the exhaustion she carries when she says yes to everything.
Help her to trust the answers You’ve already given her. Give her courage to protect the things You’ve placed in her hands. Remind her that her worth isn’t measured by how much she does for others, but by how deeply she is loved by You.
And when she stumbles, when she says yes when she should have said no, meet her there with grace. Turn even her missteps into moments of worship. You are faithful like that.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.🙏🏼
My hope is that this resonates with you? I’d love to hear about a time you said yes when your spirit was telling you no. Share in the comments, or simply reply with a heart emoji if you’ve been there too.
And if you know a sister who needs permission to protect her ‘no’, please share this with her.
With love, hope and joy, Tina💖
This question resonated with me the most, “What if God is asking us to let our yes be a yes to Him, not just a yes to whoever asks first or loudest?”
My yes is always to more work, more volunteering, more responsibilities of some sort. More recently, I’m feeling the tug to lean into time with my children and into the R word— rest🤯. Sometimes it feels like the external work is more important; I know that’s not true.
I’m hoping that I can be courageous enough to be obedient amid all there is to do and release the FOMO and guilt associated with it. 🩷