Permission to Breathe
When Self-Care Seems Impossible
It’s early. Maybe too early. You’re standing in your bathroom or sitting on the edge of your bed, and already the weight of the day is pressing down on you mentally and physically. The job that doesn’t see your skills or attributes. The paycheck that barely stretches. The home where you give and give but somehow you still feel invisible.
You’re tired. Not just in your body, but somewhere deeper. In your soul.
And self-care? That phrase almost feels like a cruel joke. With what time? With what money? With what energy? You’ve heard the advice starting with “take a bath, light a candle, journal your feelings” and all you’ve wanted was to laugh at the thought of it. Or cry. Or both. Because the people giving that advice don’t seem to understand that by the time you’ve taken care of everyone else, there’s nothing left. Not even enough to run that bath water.
I see you, because I’ve been there. And more importantly, God sees you. Because He loves you!
I’ve Been Where You Are
There was a season in my life when I worked a job that refused to recognize my contributions no matter how much I gave. I showed up early. I stayed late. I volunteered for projects no one else wanted. And still, I watched others get promoted while I was told to be patient, to wait my turn, to trust the process. Meanwhile, the process was draining me dry and I was losing hope, which truthfully, I had already lost all hope.
At the same time, I was in a relationship where I was never quite enough. I tried to be more understanding, more supportive, more present, but no matter how I contorted myself, the goalposts kept moving. I poured into everyone around me, including friends and family, but when I needed someone to hear me, truly hear me, there was no one there for me.
One of the things that struck me after getting very sick before the Christmas holiday in 1991: I hadn’t taken a real vacation in my first fifteen years of working. Not a real one. You know the kind where you take a week off to go somewhere far away from home without any responsibilities... just a relaxing time off. A vacation where I actually rested instead of checking emails from a different location.
Having not taken time off for myself caused me anxiety, ulcers (which my doctor said I had the working man’s type of ulcers, not good), and finally my body was screaming for relief. This caused me to stay in bed longer than I should have on my days off, not because I was lazy, but because getting up meant facing another day of being needed by everyone while being nourished by no one. This was a time of mental and physical exhaustion. I felt like I didn’t have enough capacity left to breathe.
I compared putting myself first, to when you’ve boarded a plane and taken your seat and before the flight takes off, the flight attendants go over the safety rules in case of emergency. Then the part comes up when they share “in case of low pressure, the masks will drop and you are to put on your oxygen mask first, before you assist your child with their mask.” In my life, I was putting the oxygen mask on everyone else’s face first, and I was losing oxygen fast and myself in the process.
One day, a close friend finally told me the truth: Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. In that moment, a small voice whispered to me and said “Tina, you ‘do’ have permission to breathe! It was God who had spoken to me and I believed I could.
What God Says About Your Rest
Sweet sister, you were never designed to run on empty. Listen to what Jesus says:
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28 (NIV)
That’s an invitation, not a suggestion. He’s not asking you to earn it. He’s not waiting for you to get your act together first. He’s asking you to receive it. Right now, exactly as you are!
And remember what David the Psalmist tells us about our Shepherd:
“He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.” — Psalm 23:2-3 (NIV)
Notice that He makes us lie down. Sometimes rest doesn’t come naturally to women like us. The capable ones. The responsible ones. The ones everyone leans on because we’ve proven, time and time again, that we can handle it. Sometimes God has to lead us to stillness because we won’t walk there ourselves.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is rest.
Permission Granted
Here’s the truth I want to plant in your heart today: You are not selfish for needing care. You are human.
Self-care doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate. It doesn’t require a weekend away or a spa membership or a complete life overhaul. It can be small. It can be quiet. It can fit into the margins of your already-full life.
It can be fifteen minutes alone in your car before you walk into work or home, just sitting, breathing, being. A cup of coffee while the house is still quiet, before the demands begin. A single lipstick that makes you feel like you again when you catch your reflection. A walk around the block with no agenda but breathing and noticing the sky. Saying “no” to one thing this week so you can say “yes” to your own peace.
These aren’t luxuries. They’re lifelines. Small deposits into a soul account that’s been overdrawn for too long.
Now, don’t get me wrong. If you are able to make arrangements for a self-care getaway or retreat, definitely do so. Maybe just for a weekend or two to three days during the week. Just make sure you’re not overthinking it and causing yourself more stress.
A Loving Challenge
I’m not going to pretend your circumstances will change overnight. The job may still feel thankless tomorrow. The finances may still be tight. The relationships may still require more from you than they give back.
But you can change. You can decide today that you matter enough to receive, even something small. You can stop waiting for permission from people who may never give it and accept the permission God has already offered.
He is inviting you to come. To rest. To be restored.
Will you let Him?
Your Next Steps
This week, I’m asking you to do one thing for yourself. Just one. Not because you’ve earned it, but because you’re worth it.
Choose something small or create your own moment of rest. Write it down. Put it on your calendar like an appointment you cannot cancel, because this appointment is with your own soul, and she’s been waiting a long time to see you.
And when that voice rises up to tell you it’s selfish or there’s no time or someone else needs you more, remind her: I cannot pour from an empty cup. God wants to fill me so I can overflow.
Restoration Prayer🙏🏼
Lord, You see my sister right now. You know the weight she carries: the responsibilities, the disappointments, the quiet aches she hasn’t spoken aloud. Meet her where she is. Remind her that she is not invisible to You. Give her the courage to receive Your rest without guilt. Help her to believe that caring for herself is not a betrayal of others but an act of obedience to You. Restore her soul, Father. Lead her beside still waters. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Did this post speak to your heart? I’d love to hear from you. Share in the comments what small act of self-care you’re committing to this week. And if you know a sister who needs permission to breathe today, please share this with her. We’re stronger when we walk this journey together.
Tina - what a great gift to all women who give so much. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with all of us. I am sharing the article with others.
Hi Nicki, Thank you for the kind words and sharing this article with others. I'm so glad that it resonated with you. I pray that this touches the hearts of those who read this post.